I often wonder why I am not told many things that I should know about. It's hard to go through life knowing what someone is saying about you, but they can't say it to your face. It's as if I've been in high school all of my life. Stupid drama, lies, and people hiding their feelings. Maybe that's just life though. I guess being able to compare it to something as ridiculous as high school makes me feel better.

I don't know what's going on anymore... I say that all of the time, don't I? I have found out that I need control and structure in my life, but I can't get it from those I need it from most. It's been hard going through life with no goals, no one to help me or support me through it. My family failed me and I have to get over it and get on with life.

What is the right thing for me? Should I be in a relationship? I think so... but what about others? I know I'm supposed to know for myself but I often feel as if I am blinded by my emotions.

It's funny, we were talking in class yesterday about how successful woman are often not married because they are too strong willed for men. Does a man really want a woman who is weaker in terms of business/will and strong in terms of being the happy homemaker? It really seems like it. I wonder what I'd be better off as but I never gave myself the opportunity to really be single and just be me with me.

Sometimes I just want to run away from everything.